My Puzzle is incomplete

 My child, my baby, my son is gone. 

Suppose you have read my blog. I shared that I had birthed three beautiful children. My children all together did a perfect puzzle. But unfortunately, my ideal puzzle is broken; now, it is incomplete.

On August 7, 2021, I lost my youngest child to COVID. My Son John Steven Ponce earned his wings.

John was humorous and a loveable person.  He was 32, married, and a father of an 8-year-old boy. My son, John, was a good loving son. His heart was full of love and kindness; so many people loved him.

I never thought this could happen to me. But then, my worst nightmare came true. I have lost a child.

COVID is the cruelest disease… while hospitalized for COVID; John could not have visitors.  Still, thanks to the technology, we could speak via video chat.  But chatting through a camera is never the same then holding your child's hand, kissing his forehead, or being by his side to comfort him.

That is the cruelty of COVID besides the physical pain the person undergoes! He was thirty-two of age, a big teddy bear. To my eyes, I saw him small and defenseless.  I needed to be by his side, but it was impossible.  I know COVID is contagious, but I wouldn’t care. I just wished I could have been with him in his last moments.  I cry every night, thinking, "did my baby suffer" or "was he scared?"  “Did he die knowing how much I loved him?”, Did he know had I been given a chance to exchange places with him, I gladly would have done it. Oh, Lord! My heart is hurting so much.

I carried my baby for nine months; he was half an ounce away from being ten pounds. Such a beautiful baby he was.  Not too long ago, I carried a portion of his ashes with me from Florida to New York. A part of his ashes are with his widow in Florida, and an amount is back home with me. I wish I could have had a locket of his hair, but again, because the cause of death was  COVID, I was denied a locket of his hair.

Days after he died, I would go to bed wishing I would wake up, and it was all a bad dream; now I go to bed hoping he will visit me in my dreams.

 

Mommy misses you

Rest In peace, my baby.