Looking back

As I sit on the stairs, looking back on time, I'm struck by how fast life has passed. At 57, I wonder where the years went. I remember being 35, full of hopes and dreams for my future. I thought I'd have someone to share my life with, but that's a dream I've had to let go of.

After working since I was 14, I've reached retirement age. I would have loved a retirement party with colleagues, sharing laughter and memories. Unfortunately, that didn't happen.

Now, I work from home out of necessity, not choice. My knees and back ache, and some nights, like at 4 am, I'm wide awake despite exhaustion. Losing my son has changed me profoundly. There are days I reach for my phone to call him, only to be hit with the painful reality that he's gone.

In meetings, I sometimes excuse myself, pretending to have a cold, but it's really tears streaming down my face. My heart yearns to hear his voice say, "Mami, I love you." But that's a comfort I'll never have again.

Attending a three-week training has been bittersweet. One of the new hires resembles my son – same beard, hair and build. Seeing him online brings back memories, and the pain feels overwhelming. The clock ticks, and tears follow.